It is evident that at some point or the other, everyone has enjoyed fantasizing about someone they like or a particular issue. Fantasies are the imagination of an occurrence you wish could happen. Simply put, it’s just you playing out issues or situations in your head.
Let me try and paint the scenario this way. Imagine you have a crush whom you haven’t even spoken to each other, but you have already created a relationship leading to marriage in your head. I know it sounds funny, but it happens to most of us.
Having fantasies is entirely normal. People fantasize about so many things. Permit me to say it’s part of us as humans. But the question remains when does fantasizing become unhealthy?
I will be taking you on a journey and making you understand why fantasies can sometimes be unhealthy because they can be if caution isn’t applied. Also, I will be discussing how to stop thinking about someone. Follow me as I break this down for you bit by bit.
When Does Fantasizing Become Unhealthy?
Fantasies are an amazing emotional feeling because you get to process various thoughts in your mind. Sometimes, fantasizing about your dream job or career can be a motivating factor to want to pursue your dream and see it being fulfilled.
Fantasies can sometimes be unhealthy when desperation sets in. How? You might want to ask. Well, when you fantasize about a particular desire too much and for too long, you might get desperate to see it gets fulfilled and might resort to harmful and dangerous ways just to make sure you achieve that fantasy.
A typical example of this is when you like someone too much and you fantasize about them a lot, you might get obsessed with them which out of desperation, might lead you to either harming them or yourself when you realize the feelings might not be mutual.
In as much as fantasies are sometimes beautiful, we should try and connect to the reality of issues and situations. There are so many factors that aid our fantasies and these include, movies, books, video games, and the latest addition, social media. They serve as boosters, adding to your imagination and making them run wild if extra care is not taken.
Now, is it harmful to fantasize? Of course not! Having fantasies on its own is entirely normal and sometimes it’s a beautiful experience just staying in your head space and creating amazing memories.
So fantasies on their own are not harmful but in all these, moderation and the ability to connect to the reality on the ground when things don’t go as you wish in your head. There is always a difference between the dream world and the actual reality.
It takes just a thin line for someone to cross from moderate to excessive. If you are trying not to get obsessed then you must know what it means to fantasize too much. Because in actual reality, fantasies can sometimes be too much.
A person who fantasizes too much can be known as a Fantasy Prone Personality. This means the person has a personality trait of always being involved in deep, lifelong, and extensive fantasies, always living in the dream world.
Such a person might find it difficult to differentiate between dreams and reality. They experience constant hallucinations and daydreaming. Not to scare you but, yes fantasies can be too much and too far. In some cases could cause you to be obsessed with the person or thing which sometimes can be unhealthy.
Fantasizing About Someone Meaning And Implications
As stated earlier, fantasies are normal and healthy on their own. Some people believe that they are not creative enough to fantasize but trust me, everyone is capable of fantasizing. There is no need to feel guilty about your fantasies.
Having created a mental picture of what fantasies are, let’s go further on, what does fantasizing about someone mean and what are the implications?
Fantasizing about someone is way different from dreaming about getting your dream job or having that flashy car. It is way deeper. This might be a result of you liking the person so much that you start to daydream about them. Some might just be harmless thoughts but others can lead to desperation, and obsession and can be very harmful to both parties at the end of the day.
Again, what does it mean when you start fantasizing about someone? To fantasize about someone most times can come in sexual fantasies. Which takes place in most men’s and women’s thoughts.
Sexual fantasies can be so strong leading to excessive obsession making you take some rash decisions if caution isn’t applied. This isn’t limited to gender or marital status. That is why it is important to have controlled thoughts.
Is there any good thing about fantasizing? What is the purpose of fantasizing? Yes, there are.
Fantasies can be a great motivating factor to pursue your dreams and lifelong wishes. Besides it is a great stress reliever, it pleases you for the moment and allows your mind to get creative.
From fantasies, you might get a solution to a problem or even a way out. You might even build up the courage you need to talk to that lady or man about how you feel about them. I mean what’s the worse that can happen?
Fantasizing about being in a relationship can be tough, and this could mean many things. Either you are using that as self-protection just so you can observe your emotional distance. Some people out of loneliness withdraw themselves and create a mental picture of themselves with someone they like. Little time they are already in a mental relationship with such a person.
Sometimes it could be out of fear of rejection. Maybe you are not confident enough to talk to the person so the only way to feel close to them is to draw clues and keep fantasizing about your mental relationship with them.
For others, it could be out of intense loneliness that they paint a picture of a life with their favorite celebrity or character who checks all their boxes and fantasize about a life with them.
Most times, it is best to know that the person you think about so much also thinks about you too. I mean nothing beats the imagination of knowing you are in someone’s thoughts as much as they are in yours also.
So, I guess you are already asking: how do I know if someone is fantasizing about me? Simple. I will be listing a few points to show you that he/she is fantasizing about you.
1. They find excuses to touch you: if they had been fantasizing about you, it’s easy to tell because they won’t be able to keep their hands off you. Not in a weird awkward way but in a sweet loving way. Gently touching your arm or shoulder or allowing their body to slightly brush yours.
2. They flirt with you: if you have been in their thoughts believe me it will be obvious in their actions and sometimes in their words. Why, because they won’t be able to completely keep it to themselves without showing you little signs here and there.
3. They stare at you at every chance they get: Usually, when someone is into you, they can’t help but stare at you at every little chance they get. They admire you with their eyes and usually, they space out because they’ve already zoned out into their little world to enjoy the creative pictures their mind is putting together.
4. They tell you they had a dream about you: dreams are most times a case of our daily thoughts spilled over into the night. Usually, it is the place, people, and issues on our minds that get carried into the night when we sleep. If someone confesses to having dreamt about you, surely, you have been occupying their daytime fantasies.
5. There is a chemistry between you: between you and the person fantasizing about you, there is always strong chemistry. You feel a strong force of attraction between the both of you especially if you like them or have been nursing a similar fantasy. The air between you is strong, tense, and magnetic.
6. They want to be close to you at all times: for someone who has already been nursing a fantasy about you, you will notice they always want to see you. They try as much as possible to be around you always. They request your pictures often if they are not opportune to see you or be close to you.
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Is Fantasizing A Sin?
If you are a religious person, the thought might have crossed your mind, is fantasizing a sin? Because trust me, some imaginations might run wild. So how do you put a leash on them? Depending on the nature of the fantasy your mind might be harboring at the time, that will determine if your fantasies are sinful or not.
An intense sexual fantasy might be considered a sin because it might contain some erotic thoughts which would not just mess with you physically but emotionally. Any thought or imagination that is morally, ethically, and spiritually considered inappropriate might be deemed sinful.
Often, we even fantasize without knowing, about trivial things like wishing to ace that test and get rewarded with deeper and stronger imaginations. Some sexual fantasies might end up spiraling into lust.
Ever considered what does the Bible says about using imagination? The Bible did not condemn imagination. Humans were created with the ability to fantasize. We all have the intrinsic ability to imagine and fantasize.
Our imagination is a powerful tool that has been given to us. It allows us to contemplate our present life and empowers us to visualize the future which of course necessary for planning and decision-making. Our human imagination has created in us the ability needed for us to be creative in whatever we do.
We are gradually making progress on this.
So, let’s keep going.
As a married person, is it a sin to think about your spouse sexually? To be honest with you, I do not consider it a sin, because, for one, you are already married and that’s your soul mate. If you ask me, fantasizing about your partner makes your sexual experience much more adventurous. I mean you should be attracted to your partner enough to want to fantasize about them.
There is always a clear warning sign that the moment your thoughts or fantasies begin to disrespect or cause harm toward your spouse then it is not only harmful but considered a sin. Especially if they are about someone different, other than your wife or husband.
What does the Bible say about dirty thoughts? As we all know the Bible is a book of sound morals. It is carefully stated in it the need to guide your thoughts. Why, because your thought sometimes tells who you are. Some extreme thoughts generate extreme behavior. Therefore there is a need for caution in your thoughts.
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Why Do I Think About Him So Much?
If you have ever come in contact with someone and you just can’t get them off your mind, then you are totally in sync with what I am writing about. We all have that feeling, especially with someone who ticks all our boxes and matches the perfect description of our soulmate. That tingling feeling, those butterflies, that magical feeling, trust me nothing beats it.
Most times this can happen unaware, I mean when you think you have your guard up, you just find out that you are beginning to like this person a little more than usual. Then you start to ask why do I think about him so much. You can’t even get yourself to stop thinking about him.
When you like someone, you pay attention to every detail of the person to the extent you start to daydream about him and create all sorts of fantasies in your head.
If you are wondering why this is happening and what you should do in such a situation, don’t worry your head too much. I will be listing below reasons why he is occupying your thoughts without paying rent.
1. You might be infatuated: if you don’t know what infatuation means then I will spell it out for you. It’s a feeling of immensely strong love or attraction to someone. Most love, at first sight, happens to be nothing short of mere infatuation.
When you are infatuated with him, you find yourself constantly thinking about him and fantasizing about moments together. You are already drawing up conclusions in your head about this guy you barely even know. You not only overlook their shortcomings but paint a perfect picture of them in your head.
2. Your chemistry is strong: chemistry is a strong feeling of attraction toward someone. It is undeniable and unpredictable it just happens. I mean you just find out you live talking to him all day or being with him just seems so right.
Before you know it you are already making up scenarios in your head. There is just this natural pull toward him. Whenever the thought about him crosses your mind, you can’t help but smile.
3. You are attracted to him: you can’t keep thinking about someone in that manner without you being attracted to him. Often, we subconsciously set a standard of what we want in the opposite gender.
When you find the person who meets these features and this standard, you naturally just drift towards the person. You are attracted to him and can’t get him off your mind.
4. He is your shoulder to lean on: if he is always the go-to person you might so find yourself fantasizing about them. What if I mean? Is he the first person you can when you need someone to talk to? Is the person you get vulnerable with without judgment? Is he there for you at every instant?
Is he always available when you need his help and ready to help you? Then soon, your brain will mark him as important then the fantasies would also kick in because you now wish he could be more.
5. You have things in common: naturally if you notice that you and a guy have so much in common, you drift toward him. It’s like a magnetic force of nature. If you both have the same belief system, likes, and dislikes it is natural that you drift toward him and then you can’t seem to get him.
It’s one thing to keep daydreaming about a particular guy it’s another thing to know what to do about it. First things first, you may want to talk to a friend about this new development. Not just any friend, but the one person you feel is emotionally intelligent to handle such thoughts.
I know it’s the toughest thing in the world to do, but trust me, it’s worth it for you to know whether it is a wise decision or not.
If you are fantasizing about someone you can’t have, the real deal is to STOP fantasizing about them. Clear your head and try not to get too attached to them. Also, learn to occupy your mind with other healthy thoughts. You don’t want to keep wasting your time fantasizing about someone you cannot have e.g a married man or woman. No, take your mind off it.
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How To Stop Fantasizing About Someone
In case you are worried your fantasies are running wild or that you are thinking too much about someone you cannot have, the best thing is to put a stop to your fantasies. Not sure how to do that? No worries. This session deals with how to stop thinking about someone.
Everyone at some point has met someone they really cannot stop thinking about, either a crush or an admirer. You can’t just get yourself to stop fantasizing about them or how you should be spending more time with them.
Sometimes trying to suppress certain thoughts might end up bringing them back in full force which could leave you frustrated and overwhelmed. But what do you do when you find yourself fantasizing about someone you cannot have or someone who doesn’t have similar feelings for you.
The best thing to do when you notice that your love interest doesn’t reciprocate your feelings or you are falling for someone you can never have as your own is to stop thinking about them. How do you do that? I have carefully listed effective ways to get that done below.
1. Get a distraction: distractions are a great way to get yourself off from spending so much time thinking about them. Distractions can be handy especially if there is little or nothing you can do about the situation bothering you.
At least you can buy yourself more time to get settled to be in the right frame of mind to make the right decision. A distraction could come in form of a good book, your favorite movie series, good music, or whatever your hobbies are.
2. Create some space between you and the person of interest: ever heard the phrase, “out of sight is out of mind?” giving them some healthy distance by not texting or calling them frequently, by not seeing them during lunch or hanging out all the time and occupying your mind in the right ways. Soon enough, you will stop thinking about them so much.
3. Talk to someone about it: you have to try and talk with your close friend to seek some advice on what to do about the situation. Talking to someone would also make you feel better at least you get to share what you are going through with some. As they say, a problem shared is half solved.
4. Avoid their social media: I know it’s always tempting to want to go over their pages on social media looking at their videos and pictures. This is not healthy! For your own sake and the sake of your mental health, you might want to stay off connecting with them on social media for a while.
If you know your mental health can’t carry you seeing their posts on a daily basis, please block them for the time being until you feel you are over them.
5. Learn to love yourself: always know that you deserve the same amount of love you are dishing out to that person. You deserve not only to be loved selflessly without restraints but also to be respected. If you have been having difficulty loving yourself, this is the right time to reaffirm that self-love and work towards it.
Jealously, take good care of yourself, and be that person you have always wanted to be. You also deserve the best.
A lot has been said about fantasies and fantasizing in this write-up. As beautiful, creative, and as imaginative thoughts can be, it is only wise to pump their breaks every once in a while. To every good thing, there is always a very thin line between good and bad. Which brought us to the question, when does fantasizing become unhealthy.
Having considered some of the dangers unhealthy fantasies might pose both to you, your health, and sometimes the person you are fantasizing about, I think it’s only wise to know when to draw the line and snap back to reality. You don’t want to keep brooding over something you cannot have which might allow anxiety and desperation to set in.
But in all of this, healthy fantasies about your dreams, goals, and aspirations could give you creative insight on how to achieve your dreams or the next step to take to actualize your goals.
Christopher is a well sought-after writer, speaker and life coach, helping many people to enjoy a better life in all endeavors. He speaks and writes on subjects concerning spiritual, relationship, career and finances.